I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
