ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
