Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
