My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I need a burrito and a hug.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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