Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
