2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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