we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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