Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
