Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
