she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
