i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
