im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
