I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
