Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
