i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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