Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I AM VODKA MAN
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
