i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
