YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
