Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
