Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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