i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
