you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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