Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
