Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
