How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
