I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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