is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
