I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
