I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
