she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
