Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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