dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
