I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
