make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
