I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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