I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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