god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
