You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
