It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Why is there bacon in the couch?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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