Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
