I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
