There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
