Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
