your thong is hanging out like whoa
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
