Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
