It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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