I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
