hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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