It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
