I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Found the puke drawer
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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