Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
