Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
