dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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