Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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