k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
